Sad and happy moments in Holland

Exciting days in Holland I had indeed. The reason for going over was the toughest I’ve ever had in my life. On my daughter’s birthday I received a phone call from my sister who told me my ex-wife was very ill. I was shocked to hear my ex-wife, Anjella, has cancer and there’s no hope for winning this battle. I felt hammered, beaten up and needed time to absorb this information. I can’t tell you how lousy I felt after this news. We have been married for 12 years and after a hard time after the divorce, we became real friends. We do have regular contact as we have a daughter. Our daughter, Selina turned 16 on the 18th of September.

I tried to call Anjella that same evening but her boy friend told me she was in no state to come to the phone. “It’s okay”, I said, “I’ll call again tomorrow”. The next day I called Anjella again and we had a long talk. I can tell you this was an emotional talk. We agreed on me coming over to Holland as soon as possible to discuss the arrangements for Selina. We had to arrange for the custody and Selina herself at that moment didn’t want to think about it at all. You must know I haven’t seen or heard my daughter since Anjella and I split up 4 ½ years ago. I would go up to Holland the 1st week of October.

Due to the start of Anjella’s chemo-therapy treatment I had to postpone my trip for a week. I drove up on the 11th of October to meet with Anjella at her place. It was tough to see her again after the last visit to her place in June this year. Last time we met everything was okay, now all is uncertain. I just hope that the therapy helps her to slow down the growth of cancer cells and won’t wear her out. Anjella told me she had the chance to have a serious talk with Selina about the custody and Selina prefers to stay with good friends. I just hope this moment won’t be for the next 5 years. I want my daughter to go through high school and do her studies to become a registered nurse having her mother around. Dear God, just don’t let Anjella suffer and don’t take my daughter’s mother away….

I spent most of the Wednesday with Anjella at her place. We sat outside in the garden and around three o’clock I heard the gate to the garden close. I turned around and saw “my little girl” coming in with her bicycle. At first she didn’t look at us. She put her bicycle away in the shed and after she came out, she turned her head towards us for a short moment. , enough to raise my hand and say “hi” to her. She answered with a “hi” and disappeared towards the front door. Within several seconds she appeared again and walked towards us. I got up and walked towards her, and then we just hugged and cried. I can’t describe the feeling of holding my daughter again after such a long time, but it has been my biggest wish over the past 4 ½ years. Finally a chance to see and hold my daughter again! I had to take along look at this young woman. She’s 1.74m and she has grown up. The little girl I remembered has vanished completely. Now she’s a teen, aware of the seriousness of Anjella’s situation and showing enormous love and care for her mother. I can understand why she wants to become a registered nurse. She’s born to be one. Selina sat down on my lap and we chatted for quite some time. I can’t describe the happiness in me in spite of the sad circumstances. Selina indicated it was strange and she would need some time to get used to the situation. That she will get, I won’t force anything. Re-building the relationship with my daughter will take time. I even got to meet Selina’s boy friend, Dennis, later that afternoon. Dennis is an uncomplicated young man with tons of ambition. I left them early in the evening to go to Brenda, my sister, as I would spent the coming nights at her place. Selina and I agreed on me coming over again the next day. As Anjella gets her treatment on Thursday we would probably meet at the hospital. I arrived at my sister’s place and I was drained. I felt exhausted but happy. I sent Selina a text message later that evening to tell her how good it felt to have seen her again. She replied she enjoyed it too…

We saw each other on Thursday and spent a bit of time together. As Anjella had her treatment on Thursday I left them early in the afternoon. Anjella was exhausted and needed some rest. On Friday, before I drove back home, I went by to see them again. Just for a short moment, but enjoying every second of seeing my daughter. It’s clear now; we’ll be in contact more frequently by phone, text message, MSN and in person. I promised Selina to be back in Holland the 1st weekend of November. Then we will see each other again.

Yesterday we were on the MSN messenger for a brief moment and today we talked on the phone. I’m happy the barriers have come down and that there’s also the initiative from her side to contact me.

In the past 4 ½ years we haven’t had any contact and I must say I was dead tired and emotionally drained, but inside I was filled with joy and happiness. She will need her time but now she knows I will be there for her and she can call me anytime. I’m looking forward to the next trip to Holland. I’m taking it easy for now, so you’ll have to wait for some photos until the next time or the time after that but there wil come a moment where I will share the moments with you. It was just so great to finally see Selina again...