Sunday, October 15, 2006

Sad and happy moments in Holland

Exciting days in Holland I had indeed. The reason for going over was the toughest I’ve ever had in my life. On my daughter’s birthday I received a phone call from my sister who told me my ex-wife was very ill. I was shocked to hear my ex-wife, Anjella, has cancer and there’s no hope for winning this battle. I felt hammered, beaten up and needed time to absorb this information. I can’t tell you how lousy I felt after this news. We have been married for 12 years and after a hard time after the divorce, we became real friends. We do have regular contact as we have a daughter. Our daughter, Selina turned 16 on the 18th of September.

I tried to call Anjella that same evening but her boy friend told me she was in no state to come to the phone. “It’s okay”, I said, “I’ll call again tomorrow”. The next day I called Anjella again and we had a long talk. I can tell you this was an emotional talk. We agreed on me coming over to Holland as soon as possible to discuss the arrangements for Selina. We had to arrange for the custody and Selina herself at that moment didn’t want to think about it at all. You must know I haven’t seen or heard my daughter since Anjella and I split up 4 ½ years ago. I would go up to Holland the 1st week of October.

Due to the start of Anjella’s chemo-therapy treatment I had to postpone my trip for a week. I drove up on the 11th of October to meet with Anjella at her place. It was tough to see her again after the last visit to her place in June this year. Last time we met everything was okay, now all is uncertain. I just hope that the therapy helps her to slow down the growth of cancer cells and won’t wear her out. Anjella told me she had the chance to have a serious talk with Selina about the custody and Selina prefers to stay with good friends. I just hope this moment won’t be for the next 5 years. I want my daughter to go through high school and do her studies to become a registered nurse having her mother around. Dear God, just don’t let Anjella suffer and don’t take my daughter’s mother away….

I spent most of the Wednesday with Anjella at her place. We sat outside in the garden and around three o’clock I heard the gate to the garden close. I turned around and saw “my little girl” coming in with her bicycle. At first she didn’t look at us. She put her bicycle away in the shed and after she came out, she turned her head towards us for a short moment. , enough to raise my hand and say “hi” to her. She answered with a “hi” and disappeared towards the front door. Within several seconds she appeared again and walked towards us. I got up and walked towards her, and then we just hugged and cried. I can’t describe the feeling of holding my daughter again after such a long time, but it has been my biggest wish over the past 4 ½ years. Finally a chance to see and hold my daughter again! I had to take along look at this young woman. She’s 1.74m and she has grown up. The little girl I remembered has vanished completely. Now she’s a teen, aware of the seriousness of Anjella’s situation and showing enormous love and care for her mother. I can understand why she wants to become a registered nurse. She’s born to be one. Selina sat down on my lap and we chatted for quite some time. I can’t describe the happiness in me in spite of the sad circumstances. Selina indicated it was strange and she would need some time to get used to the situation. That she will get, I won’t force anything. Re-building the relationship with my daughter will take time. I even got to meet Selina’s boy friend, Dennis, later that afternoon. Dennis is an uncomplicated young man with tons of ambition. I left them early in the evening to go to Brenda, my sister, as I would spent the coming nights at her place. Selina and I agreed on me coming over again the next day. As Anjella gets her treatment on Thursday we would probably meet at the hospital. I arrived at my sister’s place and I was drained. I felt exhausted but happy. I sent Selina a text message later that evening to tell her how good it felt to have seen her again. She replied she enjoyed it too…

We saw each other on Thursday and spent a bit of time together. As Anjella had her treatment on Thursday I left them early in the afternoon. Anjella was exhausted and needed some rest. On Friday, before I drove back home, I went by to see them again. Just for a short moment, but enjoying every second of seeing my daughter. It’s clear now; we’ll be in contact more frequently by phone, text message, MSN and in person. I promised Selina to be back in Holland the 1st weekend of November. Then we will see each other again.

Yesterday we were on the MSN messenger for a brief moment and today we talked on the phone. I’m happy the barriers have come down and that there’s also the initiative from her side to contact me.

In the past 4 ½ years we haven’t had any contact and I must say I was dead tired and emotionally drained, but inside I was filled with joy and happiness. She will need her time but now she knows I will be there for her and she can call me anytime. I’m looking forward to the next trip to Holland. I’m taking it easy for now, so you’ll have to wait for some photos until the next time or the time after that but there wil come a moment where I will share the moments with you. It was just so great to finally see Selina again...

17 comments:

xmichra said...

wow.... i am so sorry to hear that Anjella has cancer... but elated to hear you got to see your daughter again.

This is a hard thing to go through, and it will be hardest on Selina. I wish you all the best with this.

Does this change the moving plans?

pinki said...

hi my friend orange x, when i read your latest news, i really had to fight against my tears! because i know, HOW important your daughter is for you and i can feel for you, HOW immotional that moments have to be for you. after our last phonecall i really thougt a lot of you and your situation. oh man, when you think back a few month, who had think about all those changes in our lives ... you know what i´m talkin about!!! but always think about it: WE ARE THE DREAMTEAM - whatever happens! a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG hug from your austrian friends and we hope, that the situation will allow you to come to us very, very soon!? your friend, pinki

Orange-X said...

Xmichra, it will be darn hard on Selina but she will be strong to make her mother proud. It an amazing feeling to have the contact to Selina again. Our plans are still on.

Pinki, thanks you so much!!! After I called you from Montreux to tell you about Anjella, I looked across the street and saw the statue of Freddie Mercury looking over the Lake of Geneva. Right now, after reading your comment about the Dream-Team, I think of Freddie again. He once sang "friends will be friends, right till the end". I think that says it all. Big hug to you and Andrea.

Expat Traveler said...

wow - what a story! I'm really happy that you are now talking to your daughter. I know that must be important. So touching.. Hope things go well. We are going through this type of thing with P's uncle right now, and it's hard.

The Big Finn said...

OX - Holy cow!! Life can change at the drop of a hat...unbelievable! Taking all this in must be overwhelming for you right now - I was overwhelmed when I read it.
I'm happy about your reunion with your daughter, and at the same time I'm nervous for Anjella.
...sending positive thoughts your (and Anjella & Selina's) way!

Anonymous said...

OX...indeed a sad and happy story. The very best to your ex in her coming days of therapy and making herself well. It is so lovely that you are in contact with your daughter again.....enjoy every minute. To you, stay strong, stay positive and take care.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you to see that You see the light on the end of the Tunnel,YOUR GREATEST WISH TO REBUILD YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER,and You will succeed.Sometimes sad things have to happen to make wishes to come trough.D.A.D

Ginnie said...

This is such a "tear and a smile" story, O-X, which you have told so very well! I think what impresses me the most is your ability to tell the story with so much feeling and emotion. We need men like you in our world today! Your love for your daughter is finally catching up with her. She knows it's there and her heart is finally opening to it. Anjella knows it's there, too. That's where the healing is, regardless of what happens to her.

Thank you so much for sharing this story. It really touches my soul where tears run freely!

Orange-X said...

TBF - thank you so much for your positive thoughts. It's great to know there are friends out there that care. I know you and Mrs. TBF are amongst them. Life can really change at the drop of a hat. There's time to rebuild the relationship with Selina, the same time I would love to give Anjella but unfortunately that's out of my control.

Anonymous - I have the feeling I know who you are but I'm not sure. Thank you for dropping by and believe me, I'll be positive and strong, more than ever.

Anonymous 2, aka D.A.D - you tried to get me snow for X-mas last year and you knew what my biggest wish for
X-mas was at that time. Now that wish has been fulfilled and it will take time to re-establish the relationship with Selina. You're right, sometimes things must happen to have such an impact to make the unexpected happen. For Anjella I only wish for more time, no pain and the comfort and care of her daughter and her friends.

Ginnie - a warm thanks to you. I know you are the soul type and can feel what I felt when I was in Holland. Anjella is strong, she is a fighter and Selina means everything to her. She will take this battle right till the last minute.

To all of you: I'm so happy to finally be able again to speak to Selina. I can never make up for the lost time, but I can make sure the time ahead will be a good one for all of us. That's all I can promise.

Anonymous said...

OX...yes you do know me/us....neighbors just down the way ehh!!!! Take care and keep smiling!!!!AKA EHH!! Ask TBF if you still are not sure as he should of figured it out by now!!!!

christina said...

Oh X, I'm so sorry! You are all handling this with so much love and compassion.

CanadianSwiss said...

Sweetheart, you know how happy it makes me to know that Selina has finally opened the door to you. It will take time, but I'm there to support you in any way I can, also if Anjella needs us in any way. I love you.

Rob7534 said...

I wish your ex the best of luck in dealing with her health, and whatever the outcome, I'm sure you will be a strong rock for your daughter in her time of need.

Awful news, I hope everyone is coping well, or as well as can be expected.

Good luck babe.

Babsbitchin said...

This is a fine example of courage under fire, it really is. You've set some feelings aside for the common good and that's the best sign of maturity. But it speaks so much, as a kind and caring soul reaching out to another riddled in sickness. True humanity at it's best.
I wish nothing but the best and a calm assurance in this time. I am sorry you must go through this now, may you have a bright side on the horizon.

Orange-X said...

Rob, aka as the naughty Teddy ;-) Thank you for your good wishes for my ex. I'll be there for my daughter whenever she needs me. We're calling twice a day to keep track of any changes in Anjella's situation as she is in the hospital now after a strong reaction of her body to the chemo-therapy.

Babs, you spoke with your heart. Gentle and true. No matter how hard times are for me, it's nothing compared to the stress and insecurity Anjella goes through right now. I know there will be good times again. I just pray for Anjella to experience them too.

Lynda said...

I am really sorry to hear about your ex-wife having cancer. It sounds like you have a supportive family, and I am glad your daughter is being receptive to you again. She probably is seeing life is too short.

I lost my 25 year old sister on October 22, 2005 to non-smoking related lung cancer. She was diagnosed two days after her son was born. It just shows that cancer has no boundaries. I created a blog for her at Laurianne's Hope, to share her story and information and events related to cancer research, treatments, and assistance. (It is on a separate account from the one I am posting with.)

I wish you the best of luck!

Orange-X said...

Thank you Linda. I will take a look at your blog spot. Maybe I can find anything that will cheer up my ex and be of support to her. Keep up your good work!