English around the world

Translation obviously is not everybody's strength. Enjoy!

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Publicity for donkey riding in Thailand
"Would you like to ride on your own ass?"

Temple in Bangkok
"It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man."

Bar in Tokyo
"Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."

Ticket corner in Kopenhagen
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."

Hotel in Moscow
"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

Cocktail lounge in a hotel in Norway
"Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

Zoo in Budapest
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

Medical doctor in Rome
"Specialist in women and other diseases."

Hotel in Acapulco
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."

Boutique in Tokyo
"Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run."

Hotel in Japan
"Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."

Car hire in Tokyo
"When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor."

Boutique in Mallorca
"English well talking"
"Here speeching American"

Hotel in Tokyo
"Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis."

Hotel in Bukarest
"The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."

Elevator in a hotel in Leipzig
"Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up."

Elevator in a hotel in Beograd
"To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."

Elevator in hotel in Paris
"Please leave your values at the front desk."

Hotel in Athens
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."

Hotel in Yugoslavia
"The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

Hotel in Japan
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

Hotel in Moscow for a trip to a monastery
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."

Swiss restaurant
"Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

Polish hotel
"Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion."

Taylor in Hong Kong
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."

Taylor in Rhodos
"Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

Dry cleaning in Bangkok
"Drop your trousers here for best results."

Camp site in Germany
"It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."

Hotel in Zurich
"Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."

Dentist in Hong Kong
"Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

Rome
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

Tourist office in Austria
"Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages."